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10 No-Nonsense Tips for a Happy Holiday
By Anna Seip
Let’s face it: all the holiday preparations fall to moms. In between the workday and taking care of children, women are expected to plan parties, decorate the house, bake batches of cookies and send out dozens of cards over the next several weeks. Oh, and we’re also supposed to find, wrap and deliver thoughtful and unique gifts to all of our family and friends. Talk about setting ourselves up for failure!
It doesn’t have to be that way. Here are 10 holiday problems and 10 holiday solutions:
1. My house is a wreck and there’s only six hours till the guests arrive for our annual holiday open house. Where do I start?
If you’re hosting a holiday party with true friends, your guests shouldn’t care what your house looks like. You’re too busy to give the place a thorough cleaning, so just take care of the big stuff. Sponge down the counter tops and the kitchen sink. Pile the dirty clothes in the washer. Drape a festive cloth on the dining room table. Give the toilets a quick scrub. Vacuum. Toss all clutter in the closets and under the bed. Clean more thoroughly after the party – when you can appreciate it.
2. It never fails. Every year, my moms’ group agrees that we won’t exchange gifts. Then, some mom inevitably hands me a present and I have nothing for her. What are some small gifts I can keep in my purse just in case?
No woman needs another scented candle or bottle of lotion. Dig out your scrapbooking supplies and create a few “Good for One Night of Free Baby-sitting” coupons. It’s free, and there’s no better gift for a mom. Some much-needed alone time is way more relaxing than aromatherapy.
3. My extended family keeps growing and it’s getting expensive. I have nieces and nephews who range from newborn to voting age. Do I have to keep buying them Christmas presents forever?
Absolutely not. After high school graduation, all bets are off. Once that niece or nephew has hung up the cap and gown, you’re under no further obligation – at least until the wedding invitations start to arrive.
4. My Christmas card list has grown to more than 150 people. What used to be fun is now an expensive chore. Every year, I think about quitting the whole process, but then I worry what everyone will think. What will I tell Aunt Sarah when she doesn’t get her annual card?
First of all, Aunt Sarah probably isn’t waiting at the mailbox for your card to arrive. If she is, then she needs to get a hobby. It’s also doubtful that the other 149 people on your list are breathlessly anticipating mail from you. If you’re sick of sending Christmas cards, just stop. Or, scale down the list. Direct your energy toward a holiday activity that you do enjoy, like baking cookies or taking an elderly neighbor Christmas shopping.
5. I just got an e-mail from the PTA president asking me to contribute 6 dozen cookies for the 7th grade holiday party – by tomorrow. How will I find time?
You won’t. What you will do is send her an e-mail asking, “Are you kidding me?” and leave it at that. If someone is completely disrespectful of your schedule, it’s OK to say no to her request – even during the holidays.
6. My dad is turning 70 the week after Christmas. My brother wants all of us siblings to chip in and rent a beach house for 10 days. I don’t have the vacation time or the money. Quite frankly, I’d earmarked only $50 for my dad’s birthday gift. Should I just put the beach house deposit on my credit card?
There’s no reason to over-extend yourself just because your dad is turning a certain age. Sure, 70 is a nice even number, but that’s the only thing that differentiates it from 69 or 71. You’ll love your dad no matter what age he is, and that isn’t dependent on a calendar year. Keep that in perspective. Suggest that the whole family get together for one big dinner – and contribute $50 to it.
7. I’m trying to trim my gift list and buy for family only. How will I avoid offending my friends?
Give each friend a personal hand-written note detailing how much you cherish the friendship. Include some memories the two of you have shared this year. For all you know, your friend may be relieved that you two aren’t exchanging gifts this year.
8. Everyone at my husband’s office exchanges small gifts – $5 gift cards, lottery tickets, etc. What would be a small economical gift that would work for his department of 8 people?
Food is always a big hit – and cheap. Make a few large gingerbread men and individually wrap them in cellophane bags. It’s something his co-workers can eat at their desks.
9. My sister-in-law is pregnant with her third child. I want to give her something baby-related, but she probably already has everything. What could I get her that she doesn’t already have?
A mom of three needs something for herself. Give her anything but baby items: a gift certificate for a pedicure (since she probably can’t touch her toes after a trimester or two), expensive chocolates (with a note that forbids her from sharing) or some fancy bubble bath she’d never buy for herself. Or, give her one night of free baby-sitting. (See answer No. 2.)
10. Every Christmas, my husband and I wear ourselves out driving from house to house with our kids, visiting the home of one relative after another. At the end of the day, we’re sniping at each other and the kids are cranky. I don’t see any other way to do it. And how can we make everyone happy?
You can’t, so don’t even try. Weeks before Christmas, send out an e-mail to everyone letting them know that your immediate family is staying home this year. Tell the extended family that you want to create some Christmas memories in your own house with your children. Invite everyone to come to you. Hold firm. You’ll meet with resistance. Some family members will be offended. Your mother-in-law will try to get you to drive over for one little, itsy-bitsy Christmas breakfast. Your aunt will invite you “just for cookies and cocoa.” No matter what you say, your mom will expect you to arrive for Christmas dinner at the designated time. Just reiterate your original plan. Your marriage and your kids will thank you for it.
Remember, the holidays don’t have to be an emotional roller coaster ride. If you keep them simple, they’ll be peaceful – and that’s what all moms truly want, every day of the year.
Anna Seip is a writer, wife, mother of two, and a survivor of several family holiday gatherings.
