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Thoughts on Surviving Mother’s Day

You’re a mom, you’re a daughter and you’re losing your mind

By Anna Seip

On Mother’s Day, women shift between two worlds: motherhood and childhood. As a mom, you may experience the joy of your children proudly presenting you with homemade cards – construction paper masterpieces made of crayon drawings, glued macaroni and misspelled words. As a daughter, however, Mother’s Day can be difficult if you have a less-than-perfect relationship with your own mother. And, let’s face it, almost all of us have difficult relationships with our mothers – or our stepmothers, mothers-in-law and other women in our families. So, why do we care so much about giving them the perfect Mother’s Day to the point of neglecting ourselves?

Blame it on television. The hype that surrounds Mother’s Day is worse than the pressure of Valentine’s. This time of year, all the commercials show mothers and daughters shopping together – giddy with their purchases and the wonderful bond they share. The daughter isn’t rolling her eyes and the mother isn’t making snarky comments like “Should you eat that, dear?” If they’re not shopping, they’re scheduling matching pedicures. Of course, these Hollywood fantasies and unrealistic expectations can set you up for a May meltdown.

Want to keep your sanity on May 10? Try a few common-sense tricks:

Keep it Real

Decades-old problems between you and Mom aren’t going to magically disappear just because it’s Mother’s Day. Remember, you’re an adult now (and a mother yourself!). Take a few deep breaths, hope for the best but reserve the right to cut your visit with Mom short if necessary. This day is about you, too, so make it a happy one – even if it means getting that pedicure alone.

Avoid the Hype

Last year, I bought eight Mother’s Day cards – for my mom, stepmom, two grandmothers, an aunt, my mother-in-law and two sisters-in-law. The bill totaled almost $30. Most of those cards probably ended up in the recycle bin (at best), a landfill (at worst) or a box in an attic. In today’s economy, that sounds like a waste. This year, I’m sending e-cards – free, personalized and full of pictures.

Schedule Accordingly

Driving all over town with your kids and trying to visit everyone in one day isn’t practical. Don’t overbook. Maybe that means you have dinner with your mother-in-law the Saturday before Mother’s Day. Or, meet your mom for breakfast and then reserve dinner for just you, your husband and children. Remember, this is only one day out of the year.

Respect Your Elders—to a Point

Beware the family matriarch. Just because a woman has been in your family forever doesn’t give her the right to be mean. Maybe your stepmom is unbearable. Or, your mother-in-law is a first-class martyr. If the relationship is toxic, send a Mother’s Day e-card and be done with it. This is your day, too.

Honor the Alternatives

No matter what your mother-daughter relationship, May is a tough month if the woman who raised you is not in your life because of divorce, estrangement, death or other circumstances. Find unique ways to honor your mom – or the mom that you wish she could be – on this special day. Watch her favorite movie. Write her a letter – that only you get to see – telling her how much you love and miss her. And then, create some Mother’s Day traditions of your own.

Mother’s Day doesn’t have to be stressful. And if it is, just remember, you’re not the only woman seeking solutions in a pedicure appointment.

Anna Seip is a mother of two, a daughter, stepdaughter, daughter-in-law, granddaughter and editor.