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Improv, Halloween-style
By Anna Seip
October is my favorite month. I love autumn, but I especially love Halloween. Last year, we’d just moved into a new house and had no idea how many trick-or-treaters would knock on our door. I stocked up on candy, decorated the porch with glowing jack-o’-lanterns and sat on the front steps. The setting was perfect.
My daughter had just turned 1 year old. She didn’t know what Halloween was, but she was excited nonetheless. I dressed her as a ladybug: black shirt, black pants, black antennae headband and a frothy red tutu that I’d spent way too much money on. She hopped up and down the walkway, her skirt billowing around her. Neighbors walked by and said, “Awww, how cute.”
“I don’t know who’s more excited,” my husband said to me, “you or her.”
The clock struck six, and I stood ready at the door with a giant bowl of candy. What’s better than giving candy to kids who aren’t yours? All year long, children are told to brush their teeth and eat their vegetables. For one evening, they can get dressed up and demand as much free candy as they can carry. The first few trick-or-treaters rounded the corner. It was time! Then, I smelled something – something really bad. My daughter’s diaper had given up, and our porch was a mess. Before I could even snap a keepsake photo of our little ladybug, her red tutu was a goner. There would be no rinsing it out or washing it on the delicate cycle. This thing was getting tossed straight into a red plastic bio-hazard bag. My husband quickly hosed down the porch and then took our daughter – held gingerly in front of him – inside for a bath. I looked around. Nobody had even noticed. Good.
A sword-wielding pirate boy, my first trick-or-treater ever to arrive at our new house, walked up the steps. Putting on my best hostess face, I smiled graciously and held out the bowl of candy.
“Why’s your porch all wet?” he asked.
“Oh, you know,” I said, “just wanted to get everything clean for Halloween!”
The next several kids eyed the porch but didn’t say anything. At first I was generous, giving two or three little chocolate bars to each Batman or Cinderella. I’d never lived anywhere with so many trick-or-treaters. They just kept pouring in, young ones chanting “trick-or-treat!” and older ones just staring at me with their bags open. Soon, my giving spirit dwindled to one candy bar and one piece of gum. I’d reach way down into the kids’ bags and drop in the loot, so they couldn’t tell how little I was giving.
“Did you even put anything in there?” one little Snow White asked me.
My husband and daughter returned from the bath and sat with me on the now-dry steps. I told them to keep the trick-or-treaters at bay while I raided the kitchen for more treats. I filled my bowl with granola bars, 100-calorie bags of cookies, single-serving tubs of peanut butter and individually wrapped tea bags. Back in business! I returned to the porch, re-energized. Every boy and girl could have two tea bags: Earl Grey, Wild Raspberry, Cozy Chamomile, you name it.
“Please tell me you’re not giving these kids tea bags,” my husband whispered. “They’ll come back and egg our house!”
“Lemon Soother goes great with chocolate,” I assured him.
As he stuffed his pants pockets with tea bags, I gave out the rest of the treats. When the bowl was empty, we turned out the porch light and blew out the candles. Oct. 31 in the new house had been, for the most part, a success. This Halloween, I’ll be prepared with a lot more candy. And, I’ll make sure my daughter’s costume is waterproof.
Anna Seip is a writer whose favorite Halloween candy is Twix.
