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The Importance of Good Role Models
By David Streight, executive director of the Council for Spiritual and Ethical Education
What do we know about the importance of good role models?
Lots.
- • We know that the way we act and the kinds of models we offer our children constitute one of the five well-researched practices proven to maximize the chances of our kids growing up with good consciences and finely developed moral reasoning skills.
- • We know that the right kind of modeling can influence how much empathy our children end up feeling, and showing, in later life.
- • We know that the chances of our children growing up to be altruistic – to be willing to act for the benefit of others, even when there are no tangible rewards involved – are better depending on the kinds of models our children grow up with.
- • We know that good models make lifelong impressions on children, regarding how to act in the difficult situations that face us in life.
- • We know that models come in many forms. Parents are the most important, but all is not lost if parents are not always able to “come through” as they should.
Here are a few concrete suggestions offered by researchers and moral growth experts who focus on what we can do to raise good kids:
- • Model through our own actions. (Our children watch us. When in new situations, they call upon what they have witnessed to know how to react.)
- • Model through our own words. (Our children are listening to us. The way we speak, what we speak about, and the opinions we express influence their values.)
- • Bring in other models. (Our children learn about us from the people we bring home. They learn about life from the models we bring into our homes.)
- • Comment on actions we like. (We do express opinions on what we like and don’t like.
We should include why we like certain actions that people perform. Doing so helps build moral reasoning.) - • Comment on actions we do not like (and why, for the same reasons as above.)
- • Build stronger relationships. (The stronger our relationships with our children, the more influential they are in our children’s development.)
A final note. Don’t worry excessively over the bad models out there, of which we all know there are plenty. Research on the influence of models on children’s moral development suggests that children are more likely to follow the example of people they admire and look up to than models of cruelty or unkindness. Not that the latter should be either tolerated or allowed, but when kids to come into contact with them, we have an opportunity to talk through moral issues: What is it about that person that appeals to kids? Do kids you know want to be more like the person? What would happen if people in your family and a large number of people at your school behaved like the person?
David Streight is a nationally certified school psychologist and executive director of the Council for Spiritual and Ethical Education (CSEE). CSEE supports the moral and spiritual development of young people by providing resources and educational opportunities to elementary, middle and secondary schools. This article originally appeared in the Fall 2008 edition of CSEE’s Parenting for Moral Growth newsletter. For more information, visit www.csee.org.
